You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave

- Wednesday, January 7, 2009

This blog is over with.
I am over letting anyone and everyone have free reign over knowing what is going on with me
I'm over the bullshit
I'm over the fights
I'm over the game
I'm over being spied on
I will be starting a new blog that will be "invite only" (www.sammie7.blogspot.com)
meaning: unless your email is on the list of approved readers
you will be unable to access it.


Being a part of my life is a privilege
and it's a two way road.
if you're apart of my life,
then I'm a part of yours.
If you want to keep me out of your life,
then fucking keep me out
and don't come here because you like to see I'm doing well
because you're curious
or because I obviously mean something to you.
Thanks for being interested but
if you want to know what's going on in my life then you can make a legitimate effort to find out.



insight on my life will no longer be here
and it will not be available on myspace either.
the real and true thoughts
emotions
and feelings i choose to share will be available to those who truly care
and to those i trust.


so to anyone still interested in reading what i have to say
myspace me or leave a comment here with the email address you use to log into this website
and i will add you to the list of people who can access my new blog.



This blog will stay up as a record of the last 6 months of my life.
because a lot of shit has happened.


Until next time,


-Samantha.

- Monday, January 5, 2009

Frustrating day.
took forever to return my damn rental car
then went to the bodyshop to get my car
cuz it's been almost a month since my car accident
and like 5min after I leave
a beep sound goes off and a light starts flashing.

I had to go back and show them
turns out that light means it was about to overheat
they tried to figure out why it was doing that since the coolant was full and the other shit was working
but they're not a mechanic shop, just a body repair place so they couldn't figure it out.
i guess something in the engine is fucked up
but since the only repair done to the front was the bumper, the insurance company is trying to argue that
there couldn't be accident related damage to the engine.
what the fuck
my shit was finneeeeee before some douche bag decided plow into the car behind me.
i'm going to throw a fit if the insurance denies it.
ugh
atleast i can borrow my sister's car for now till i get mine fixed..
And on top of spending a good 4 hours dealing with car bullshit this morning
i fucking missed school because i had no way to get there
i was lucky that the body shop guys at least drove me to my house.

asdfghjkl;
I just want my fucking car back!



The only productive thing I did today was enroll for the Spring semester at Santa Monica College.
makeup school ends in a few weeks
and if I don't have proof that I'm a full time student
then the insurance company stops covering me on my parent's insurance.
no bueno.
I thought about just signing up, printing the form and then dropping them all once it was sent into the insurance.
yeah, that's fraud.
haha
the weird thing is that i've actually been missing real school lately.
it's one of those things i hate doing all the homework and bullshit for
but i like the learning part.
so i figured i'd just try to take a semester of things i want to take and see how it goes.
my choices: all anthropology classes starting Feb 17th and ending early June.
Cultural Anthro
World Archaeology
Paleoanthropology
and an anthro class on Gender, Sex and Culture
kind of nerdy,
but I'm looking forward to going
it's honestly the only thing i've studied that has interested me
my mom tried to aruge and tell me to continue taking more business classes
but that shit is boring.
i don't know what i would even do with a business degree anymore than i know what i would do with an anthropology degree.
but i don't give a fuck
plus, business is like the most impacted major there is and most schools have competetive admission for upper division transfers..
meaning i won't get accepted because my GPA isn't good.

I just found something, accidentally, that i forgot i had written
something i wrote in september
a list of whys and why nots.
2 pages i should have skipped over
but was curious to remember what was written.
hmm.
it was in my writing journal, which is usually hidden
and not in the drawer of my nightstand.
but i guess i forgot to put it away the last time i used paper from it.
time to put it back in it's hiding spot.
:-/


congrats on the tour. i'm fucking stoked for you.


Oh well we've come so far, Put the road to hell behind us.

- Thursday, January 1, 2009

"To say that we have gotten ahead of ourselves,
Is a giant understatement!
To say that i was selfish, headstrong and wrong,
should be enough to feed your ego for now.
We were cursed from the start!
Well this is how the story goes:
It was the wrong place
At the wrong time!
Oh well we've come so far
Put the road to hell behind us.
This is how the story goes,
They'll never come to find us."
-MOZART SEASON.



Let me start out with this:
the new Mozart Season EP is so fucking good.
I legitimately had goosebumps and tears in my eyes the first time I listened to the first new track.
and it's not because I'm some super-fan..
I've been there from the start, when Nate and I were sitting in English senior year trying to pick a band name.
I've watched the growth and development of the band.
I'm so impressed and fucking proud of how far they've come as a band and as individual musicians.
the new shit isn't even comparable to the last recordings they did
Nate and the rest of the boys have big things coming their way
i can feel it.


and I'm so proud of you.
as someone who has listened to hours and hours of your playing over the last few years
it sounds so amazing on the new record
you keep getting better.
I can't tell you directly
but just so you know.



I've spent the last 2 weeks of my break having a blast.
This is the 3rd night out of the last 2 weeks that I'll be sleeping at my own house.
spent a while in Bakersfield and then spent the last week in Sacramento
quality time with quality people.
Although I kind of over-partied.
There are probably only a few days out of the last two weeks that I was actually sober.
I've consumed more beer, liquor, nicotine, caffeine, and other substances in the past 2 weeks than I have in the past 6 months.
that's probably also the reason I've had a cold/cough the entire time.
all that matters is that I had a good ass time, and that i rarely rage like that.


A few days ago a close friend of many of my close friends passed away due to his cancer.
a group of us had all been out drinking that night and found out shortly after we all got back to Nate's place.
the eerie part of it is that we had been talking about him
and toasting tequila shots at the bar in his name at almost the same time he passed away.
Although I wasn't close friends with him,
many of my friends were
and it hurts me so bad to know that they're all hurting.
I know what they are going through, and I know how hard it is.
I will be attending his funeral to support my friends and help celebrate the life of someone who had such a positive impact on his friends.

RIP Bryan LeMasters




I have high hopes for 2009.
I hope it really is a year of change.
new year's eve was a blast and for the first time since the previous 3 new year's eves it wasn't an emotional one!
hahah
if the last 2 months are any sort of preview to what the rest of 2009 will be like
then i will be so happy.
I got hired on for another music video shoot next week
and will be made an official part of that crew
which equals pretty consistent work, and getting paid a day rate :-)
big things are coming.


The next two months are going to shoot past me.
school is over Jan 30th
my surgery is feb 4th
and then I'm out of commission for about 3 fucking weeks afterwords.
fast forward to March, then it's time to get a bar tending job and make some damn money.


"My diving bell drags you down to the bottom of the ocean"
--"I don't mind you dragging me to the bottom of the ocean because you are also my butterfly."


That quote is from an amazing movie I watched this week.
"The Diving Bell and the Butterfly."
the movie is made after a book that a completely paralyzed man wrote by blinking his eye for each letter.
so fucking amazing.
watch it.


until next time


-S.

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