I don't even care about Christmas this year
it's really just any other day to me
we're having dinner with my Grandpa and my "grandma" in Bakersfield tomorrow night
and having Christmas morning there.
I think Christmas loses it's magic as you grow up
or maybe it's just that this year has been so insane that I haven't had time to think about it.
Yesterday was the first time anyone even asked me what I wanted this year
not that it matters, because it's not about gifts to me anyway,
I just found it interesting that I've hardly even talked about Christmas this year.
There's nothing I really want as it is anyway
nothing material that is
My parents and Cassidy live an hour away now instead of 6
I got to see thier new place yesterday and our two gorgeous horses.
The few things I really want cannot be boxed and gifted.
i want to continue to be this happy
i want to be loved, romantically, like i have only dreamed about.
i want to make peace
I don't think santa's elves can help me with those.
So my reply to my mom when she asked what I wanted:
Copeland -"you are my sunshine" cd/dvd combo
Underoath- "Lost in the sounds of seperation" cd/dvd combo.
and another bottle of my Chanel Chance perfume since i'm almost out
I don't really need anything at all
plus, i feel guilty for even wanting anything
my parents have paid for EVERYTHING for the past 6 months I've been in LA.
that's more than I could have asked for as it is.
Christmas is about food and family to me anyway
it's basically Thanksgiving with a different color scheme and the added bonus is gifts.
I'm most excited about seeing my few friends in Sacramento and spending time with them
Merry Christmas
-S.
I need a vacation
life has been going non-stop since September.
Thank God tomorrow is my last day of school until Jan 5th.
I need a breaaaaak
I've been busting my ass
I need to get out of LA for a bit, I love it here, but I need to get away for a few days.
Solution: Caitlin is taking me home to Bakersfield for the weekend to show me a good time
and then after Christmas I am heading straight to Sacramento for some quality time with friends.
I need the comfort of best friends
I need to talk, share, vent, etc.
It doesn't even seem like Christmas is next week.
I would have totally forgot if people didn't keep bringing it up.
It doesn't feel like Christmas, it's been cold a few days here, but nothing that I'm used to.
I'm sure i'll be in for a big change when I get up to Sac. haha.
it's been in the 60s here and i complain that it's cold.
I dunno how i'm gonna handle the 30-40 degree weather up there.
I don't even care about Christmas this year, which is weird
it just doesn't feel like the holidays when i'm not living with my family.
I decorated my house a bit, but i never even had time to put ornaments on my tree.
I've been toooooo busy
School is amazing
and after we get back from break we only have 4 weeks left of special effects and then we're done.
i can't believe it's almost over.
i'm going to miss it a lot
and i'm going to have to get back into adult mode and start working
I'm really proud of what I've been able to do though.
We began sculpting maquettes this week
Going into this having never sculpted anything ever,
i'm pretty stoked at how well this is turning out.
it's not done, but i'm happy with how it's turning out so far.
in special effects class i will be taking an impression of someone's face,
making a mold, re-sculpting this onto the mold, and then making a full face mask appliance!
My little demon man:
Another completely amazing day
I don't even mind working 12 hrs straight.
This is exactly what I want to be doing.
I love being on set
I love being important and needed
I love meeting new people and spending the day chillin and chatting.
Today's music video shoot for A Static Lullaby's song "Toxic" went so well.
It's a cover of the Britney Spears song
so they had 3 blonde girls that were Britney look a likes.
we did hair and makeup for the girls and the band.
everyone was super chill.
the guys were incredibly nice and fun to hangout with.
the video is going to be hilarious
it's super cheezy
so the whole video has parts of the set and the director and crew in the backround
I'm in parts of it doing makeup on the singer while he's singing.
and then throughout other parts we run in and fix makeup and hair on the band
it's gonna be awesome
i can't wait to see it :-)
we finished the video early today, it was 6am-6pm, instead of going till 8.
so a few of the boys came over to kick it for a bit afterwords.
super chill dudes.
I love working on music videos.
I really hope this becomes a frequent thing
basically i'm just stoked on my life right now.
I never thought i'd be doing this much stuff before I even graduated school.
I've been proud of many things I've accomplished in my life thus far,
but all of this means the most to me.
I took a fantasy job I've been wanting to do since i was 11
and made it the start of a reality 10 years later.
I made life changing decision to move away from everything and chase a dream.
I hope i can keep this up.
but even if i can't, the last 5 months have been an experience of a lifetime and i wouldn't trade it for anything.
I know i say the same things all the time, but i'm just really stoked about it all.
Real life starts again tomorrow.
school this week, friday is the last day and then I don't go back till jan 5th!
i'll be making a trip to Bakersfield to party it up with my friend Caitlin in her home town.
and then spending some time in OC with my parents and other family.
thinkin about making a trip to the 916 to spend some legit time with people I miss dearly, since I haven't spent real time there in months.
Life couldn't be better, and I don't think i've ever been in a position where I could say that.
I'm finally truely happy on my own.
Sleep time. I'm exhausted.
-S.
Agraceful's music video shoot.
Yesterday was amazing.
woke up at 2:30am, only had about four and a half hours of sleep.
got ready
drove to pick up Caitlin
drove to Atomic Studios where the video was being filmed.
our work day started at 4am
the studio was legit
tons of different sets inside.
the band was awesome
super nice guys
they had played a show friday night, and went straight to the studio after
they were running on no sleep all day
savages.
Caitlin and I did hair and makeup for the boys
and spent all day touching up, re-powdering, fixing hair etc.
it was exactly where i wanted to be and exactly what i wanted to be doing
i love music and i love being apart of it and as involved as i can.
and this is the only way i will ever be apart of the music industry.
the band shot 2 videos yesterday, they're going to be really fucking cool
i can't wait to see them finished
the whole crew was legit as well.
it was a fun day, and an exhausting one.
i got home around 5:30-6pm
layed on the couch around 7,
thinking i was just going to take a nap and go out later that night.
immediately passed out, haaarddd.
woke up around 1am to a phone full of text messages,
did my best to reply and then passed out again before i could even think about going to my bed.
wokeup this morning around 10:30,
realizing i had passed out on the couch, still fully clothed.
i got like 15+ hours of much needed sleep.
hahaha
check out the band, they're really fucking good.
time for bed.
tomorrow it's a longer day
6am-8pm for A Static Lullaby's new video.
"I think that for me, everyday would be the last day of summer.
Or I'd be left out in the cold, with no place to go.
Because, there are very few people that I can relate to
to every day of my life, forever,
that will understand me,
Because I've gone places where very few people ever go.
I mean, I played the ultimate gamble of all; I gambled my life."
I can't stop listening to Lydia.
From the first time I heard them, they've been an instant favorite.
The quote from above is from a song I can't stop listening to
It's a spoken part sampled in over the music and I love it
because sometimes I really feel like I don't fully connect or relate to anyone.
and I actually don't mind that feeling
I've been thinking about a lot of things lately, and thinking about things in different ways
as a result of the car accident i was involved in on wednesday.
i'm back to no longer being able to drive without having a ridiculous amount of anxiety.
I was stopped at a light on my way to school wednesday morning
there were cars in front of me and a car behind me.
and then i heard those all too familliar sounds
sounds i hope i never hear again.
the screaming squeal of tires attempting to stop abruptly
the crunching of two cars slamming together
and as it all processed in my head
i looked into my rearview mirror
just in time to see the car behind me slam the back of my car.
i didn't have time to process what was actually going on as my vision was blurred
while the back of my head slammed against my headrest a few times and i struggled to force my foot onto my break, but i had already hit the car in front of me.
instantly i burst into hysterical tears
beacuse as soon as i heard the cars smash
i had flashbacks of the accident i was in 3 years ago when i was t-boned on my driver's side , in a hit-and-run and stranded alone in Stockton for an hour before the police even showed up.
i expected the cars to just drive away at any moment on wednesday like my last accident.
i wasn't seriously injured
although my neck, shoulders and back are sore as fuck
my car is at a body shop, and i'm waiting to find out how bad the damage actually is.
i hired an attorney to take care of everything and make sure it all gets paid for.
i have to see a chiropractor twice a week for my back and neck until who knows when.
and immediately after the accident all i could hear in my head, besides the sound of screaching tires and smashing cars playing over and over, was Dane fucking Cook:
"why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80?!"
and then of course i couldn't find a pen to write anything down.
ohhhh irony.
haha.
and then since i was all emotional, vulnerable and thinking about how lucky i was that nothing really bad happend i made a rash decision.
i attempted to make things cool with someone who used to mean something to me
because for a split second i thought it would be comforting to talk to them
but they just wanted to turn that into a fight for no reason instead.
that definitely didn't help the awful day i was having
but whatever
so thank you for that, in case you ever still look here..
Time to get my makeup kit together and go to bed.
I have to be up at 2:30AM.. (yeah, shiiiiittyyy)
so i can get ready, pick up a friend and then head to the studio where the music video we're doing makeup for is being shot at.
Agraceful's new music video :-)
we are working from 4am-4pm
starbucks isn't even open that early!
haha so i'll be making like 40 cups of coffee at my house.
-S.
Remember, cause that's all you can do
"Dear Sam,
I'm sorry I pushed you away from everything we had, even me.
I couldn't ask you to wait forever.
But that doesn't mean that my feelings have changed,
every day your face is clearer.
Regret is the burden I'll carry from here to my grave.
This distance is the knife in my heart.
Let him know the treasure he has.
Don't let him make my mistakes.
Forever is never to long to wait for something perfect,
I'll be here.
Love always"
Things are just getting started
I just landed a fucking legit opportunity.
I am doing makeup for two music videos.
Agraceful (myspace.com/agraceful) on the 13th
and A Static Lullaby on the 15th
with Director Robby Starbuck (myspace.com/robbystarbuck)
so fucking stoked.
and i miiiiiight be doing a photoshoot for Fear Before aka (fear before the march of flames)
*fingers crossed*
I hope things keep going this well :-)
-S.
Oh December
This year is so close to being over
the last 5 months have raced by
but they've been so unbelievably amazing.
it's amazing how much can happen
and how much can change within such a short amount of time.
I've been doing photo shoots and fashion shows left and right.
I am endlessly busy
my time is constantly occupied
I'm rarely home
almost every day of every week has something going on.
And I couldn't be happier.
I've watched and felt myself change since I've been here.
change for the better.
discovered myself from scratch.
I was given the chance to go somewhere new and start over.
and I did.
I left behind everything I was identified by and associated with.
no longer someone who anyone had any preconceived notions about.
no longer just identified by
who i am friends with,
who I've dated,
who i used to be friends with,
the bands i used to hangout with,
who i was in high school
I've never known myself outside of all of that completely or all at once.
and i really figured out who i am without it all.
I've never been stronger, happier, more sure of myself, more confident, or more blessed than I am now.
It's a nice feeling to have.
There is so much going on in my life that it's overwhelming,
but it's more exciting than anything I could imagine.
I love school
we've been doing prosthetics for the past 2 weeks.
this is what I came to school for
I love special FX
we took impressions of each other's faces, poured stone into them to make them into molds, picked a character to turn our partner into, sculpted a nose and forehead out of clay onto the molds, then poured stone over those to make another mold to fit over the original, then we filled the altered mold with foam latex and put the original mold on top, the foam in the molds gets baked in an oven and then a foam latex appliance is created.
it's so much work but so much fun.
this is basically the process that is used all the time to make things for film and television.
like in The Grinch for the Who noses.
The next few weeks should be fun- 2 fashion shows, going to Disneyland, possibly some photo shoots, and then it's Christmas break and I'll be able to spend time with my parents at their new place in Orange County and ride the horses they just bought.
Alright, that's all the blogging I have time for tonight.
-S.
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