I got the call. I'm ready for surgery. I can't miss school, so I have to wait till I'm out. February 4th is the big day. Anxious, happy, excited.
I'm pretty sure this is the happiest I've ever been..ever..Details to follow when I have the time.. But I'm finally getting myself back :-D
-S.
The new begining.
I've been thinking a lot about my life lately.
about the past few years
the events
the memories
the changes
My last trip "home" made me realize a lot of things.
Sacramento is no longer home.
moving away was the absolute best decision I've ever made
I need to rediscover myself because I haven't been able to recognize myself in years.
For three years I was holding onto something that I thought was right
when in reality it was never right and it never lasted.
I was in denial about a lot of things
I was blinded by a lot of things
I was sacraficing parts of myself for no good reason
I was letting myself become exactly who I didn't want to be.
Every advancement I had made in who i was becoming within the last few years was trampled by the repeated setbacks I fell into.
Now that i'm away from it all I am able to move forward and am no longer in fear of losing myself as a consequence of someone else's actions.
I still don't have it all figured out but I know where I came from and know I never want to be there again.
I will never let someone else make me feel small, weak, not good enough or repeatedly lower my self esteem again.
Moved on. Moving forward. NEVER looking back.
You're either with me from this point on or you're not with me at all.
I'm done with games. I'm done with backstabbers. I'm done with shady people.
I'm done being walked all over. I'm done putting up with shit. I'm done being second best.
I'm happier than I've been in so long and i'm so happy with the way things are going.
I've never been busier either. I love it.
And i'm proud that I'm out here living my life and accomplishing my dreams.
Thursday is going to be the start of something BIG.
Notice the "muah" logo on the flyer below.
That's me bitches.
M.U.A.H (make up and hair)
M.U.A.H (make up and hair)
Myself, my sister, and a few of my girls from school are in charge of makeup and hair for this event.
it's a big deal, at an exclusive club.
celebs. press. red carpet.
we are the exclusive hair and makeup team for Blive Couture and there are already FOUR more shows booked for us after Thursday.
If you ever doubted me, said I couldn't do it, didn't think I'd love it in LA, didn't think I'd make this my life... this is my big FUCK YOU.
Everything is falling into place
I'm over it fully and completely, for the first time ever.
I am a lot stronger than I've been in the past
and I am thankful.
Things are finally moving forward for me in LA.
I am no longer living a double life with half my heart in Sacramento and half of it here.
All of me is here now, as it should have been from the start.
Live and learn
I am done breaking promises to myself and will stick with the new ones I have made.
It's a lot easier to move forward when you're not being pulled back
and now that I'm not looking back it's even better.
You couldn't pay me to move back to Sacramento
I am exactly where I belong and each passing week only imprints that more and more into my mind and my heart.
School is hard and there are some days where I struggle so much that I just want to quit
But I won't.
I've reached the point where I am questioning if this is really what I want to do with my life, but only time will tell.
For now this is the answer and I'm living in the present and not worrying about the future.
I've been meeting so many new people
I love being surrounded by things and people that are new and different.
It's a nice change
Career wise things are picking up.
I work regularly with a photographer doing makeup for the bands that he shoots.
Last night I did a photoshoot at Les Deux for an up and coming clothing line, Believe Couture.
And I will now be part of a team working regularly on photoshoots and fashion shows for the line.
We have three runway shows booked already.
Things are about to get big
and this is just the begining.
ready or not, here I come.
S.
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