Make Yourself

I don't even care about Christmas this year
it's really just any other day to me
we're having dinner with my Grandpa and my "grandma" in Bakersfield tomorrow night
and having Christmas morning there.


I think Christmas loses it's magic as you grow up
or maybe it's just that this year has been so insane that I haven't had time to think about it.


Yesterday was the first time anyone even asked me what I wanted this year
not that it matters, because it's not about gifts to me anyway,
I just found it interesting that I've hardly even talked about Christmas this year.


There's nothing I really want as it is anyway
nothing material that is
My parents and Cassidy live an hour away now instead of 6
I got to see thier new place yesterday and our two gorgeous horses.


The few things I really want cannot be boxed and gifted.
i want to continue to be this happy
i want to be loved, romantically, like i have only dreamed about.
i want to make peace


I don't think santa's elves can help me with those.


So my reply to my mom when she asked what I wanted:

Copeland -"you are my sunshine" cd/dvd combo
Underoath- "Lost in the sounds of seperation" cd/dvd combo.
and another bottle of my Chanel Chance perfume since i'm almost out


I don't really need anything at all
plus, i feel guilty for even wanting anything
my parents have paid for EVERYTHING for the past 6 months I've been in LA.
that's more than I could have asked for as it is.


Christmas is about food and family to me anyway
it's basically Thanksgiving with a different color scheme and the added bonus is gifts.

I'm most excited about seeing my few friends in Sacramento and spending time with them


Merry Christmas


-S.