So i haven't posted a legit update in almost 2 and a half months.
coincidentally the busiest couple months of my life.
let's recap:
-July-
(the most ridiculously busy month of my life, i literally didn't have more than maybe 2 days off)
*started working on my first feature film Death and Cremation
we shot 18 days total, 12-16hr days.
I was personal makeup artist for Jeremy Sumpter, as well as Staci Keanan and Daniel Baldwin.
it was one of the most amazing experiences ever.
the cast/crew all got a long so well.
there were so many memories/laughs and good times we all shared, both on set and off..
we all partied and played beer pong at my old house several nights after work, after working together for 12+ hrs a day, we still weren't sick of each other haha
the crew bonded within the first few days of filming, i was so lucky to meet such awesome people.
Justin, the director, remains a close friend of mine, along with a few other crew members and Jeremy.
I go to the office that the film is being edited in about once a week to see how it's coming along.
I've seen a lot of rough cuts and the first 10 minutes of the film, and it all looks so amazing.
i can't even control my excitement about this film.
it was all filmed on the RED camera, which is pretty much the best super HD camera you can film on right now.
cinematography is amazing, the editing is looking great, the acting was great.
i can't wait to see the whole thing.. i have big expectations for it, and i'm pretty sure it'll get picked up and put in theatres.
when i wasn't on set for D&C, i was packing stuff at my old house or working on other projects
* I turned 22, which was weird. I finally feel like my "adult" life is starting.
a new chapter has started and so far, it's wonderful.
it was the most responsible, laid back birthday i've had in a few years.
copious amounts of alcohol weren't consumed, i wasn't puking, and i wasn't sneaking off to be with a boy.. (reference- birthdays 20&21)
*I had my 1 year anniversary with LA on July 26th.
It's been the best year of my life. I have never pushed myself so hard or worked so hard in my life.
I am making great progress in my career for being fairly new at it.
I have been lucky enough to meet some of the most genuine, amazing people ever.
I've grown so much as a person; i'm stronger, smarter, more passionate and more dedicated then i ever have been.
I am truly LIVING my life.
and things have never felt more right.
*I moved to Marina del Rey.
I moved into my friend Caitlin's 2 bdrm, amazingly nice place.
we are about a mile from Venice Beach and our balcony faces the ocean.
we get a long so well and are such good roomates.
we are pretty much wives, she is truly a girl more similar to me than anyone i've met.
we can live together, work together and still hangout/go out places together and not get annoyed or sick of each other.
every night, we sit on the couch on our balcony, smoke a bowl, and count the stars and planes we see and chat.
(we live 15 min from LAX, so there are always at least 4 planes, and usually it's so foggy and overcast from the beach that we can't see stars.. but on a cloudless night, we can see a ton.)
the air is clear here, it smells fresh, like the ocean and I love it.
*trying to think of what else happend, i know there is more.. oh well.. like i said, July was BUSY.
-August-
*I interviewed for my second feature film, Darkening Sky, booked it on the spot.
I was key makeup for that project and brought Caitlin to help out on the few days I needed her to help me.
we shot 12 days straight for that film..12 hr days.. i was completely worn out by the end of day 12.
we had several over night shoots, which are awful.
we'd get to set at about 6pm and shoot till 5/6am.
so exhausting.
met some really cool people on that set.
the lead actress is one of the sweetest girls i've ever met.
I got to do some cool fx work for the film, so i'm excited about that.
also excited about the fact i made $1200 doing it.. which is not a lot, but it's the most i've made from 1 gig.
*Aug 5th marked the 6 month date from my surgery (i am ridiculous with dates, anniversaries and numbers.)
I have made a long journey in my recovery, both physically and emotionally.
for a while afterwords I was more depressed than I ever have been.
I struggled with identity/self-esteem/self-confidence/ doubt/ regret/ fear/ anxiety and a whole ton of issues.
it took months to where i got to a place where I didn't feel any of that.
i think most of my swelling is gone now, things have settled.
i am more confident and sure of myself than i ever have been.
and i do not regret it one bit.
*I think that's about all for August.. I know I shot a music video or two somewhere in there though.
-September-
*Industry stuff has been relatively slow this month.
*Caitlin bought Beatles Rockband and we completed the story in 2 nights. haha.
her on guitar and me on drums. for my first time ever playing rock band i can play drums on medium better than i can play guitar on medium. haha. we're nerdy. she's got a lot of xbox 360 games, so it happens.
* on the 14th I started a 2 week internship with Boneyard Special FX lab
they are creating all of the creatures for the Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights
so I am helping out in the shop since there is so much to get done.
I love being in the shop, it's amazing to be surrounded by so many talented people.
I really want to try and find another lab to work in, I love fx work and want to practice it and be around it more often.
*the 18th marked 6 months since I've seen or talked to him.
it's a record for us, previously it was 5 months.
the amount of anxiety/nervousness that had been in my system this weak was outrageous.
i NEEDED to make it to the 6 month mark and am so proud and relieved that i did.
we will never be "just friends", so it is not in my best interest to re-connect things.. now is definitely not the right time, and i'm not sure if there ever will be.. i'm not sure what good it would do.
more harm than good has resulted every time.
i am so focused and happy right now, and i know everything would spiral downwards if i changed that.. like it eventually does every time.
2005, 2006, 2007 and 2008 have all been full of a vicious, painful cycle.
my heart cannot handle a fifth year of it, plain and simple.
at the beginning of this year i promised myself that 2009 was going to be my year of change.
i couldn't keep allowing myself to mend my wounds only to get hurt again
so i became detatched, as a defense.
i tried so hard, loved so hard, and failed 4 years in a row.. not just failure on my part, our part.
maybe i could have tried harder, done things differently, maybe there wasn't anything I could have done. I don't know,
if i am so flawed and awful, then let me go, please.
things ended this way for a reason.
I don't remember what a healthy, confident, loving, honest, trustworthy relationship feels like, and maybe i ever only thought i knew.
something had to have worked considering it remains my only relationship.
i know exactly what i want, need, deserve and i can tell within 2-6 weeks of dating someone new if it's there.. i go through this auditioning process every month or two.
i don't waste time if i know there's not a future to it. it's not fair to me or whoever i'm dating.
clearly i'm still waiting for the right man to sweep me off my feet, to show me the right amount of adoration, confidence, passion, honesty, compatibility, respect and dedication.
I will not settle, ever.
I would rather be single forever.
I am a very secure, confident person and being single makes me just as happy.
one day i'd like to re-live the feeling of being 110% full on myheartisgoingtoexplode in love with someone i can't keep my hands or eyes off of.
i miss the awkwardness of falling in love. the butterflies, the anxiousness, the non-stop flirting, fun, sweet kisses, deep conversations, and knowing there is one person who knows you on every level possible.. but i don't need it to feel whole.
I trust the path my life is taking me, we'll see where it goes.
Live, live, live because you love, love, love
And love'll make you give, give, give
And give and when you break, break, break
But you just want to fix yourself
Just to break again..
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In 20 min i will have been up for 24 hours.
holy crap.
smoke. eat. sleep.
i have several things left to mention, but i will save them for another day.. hopefully not another 2 months from now haha.
xoxo,
S.
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