"You must do everything that frightens you.
Everything.
I'm not talking about risking your life, but everything else.
Think about fear,
decide right now how you're doing to deal with fear,
because fear is going to be the great issue of your life;
I promise you.
Fear will be the fuel for all your success,
and the root cause of all your failures,
and the underlying dilemma in every story you tell yourself about yourself.
And the only chance you'll have against fear?
Follow it. Steer by it.
Don't think of fear as the villain.
Think of fear as your guide, your pathfinder"
I found this quote in a bulletin someone posted.
It's amazing and completely true and inspiring.
Saturday will mark three weeks since I moved to Los Angeles.
The time has flown by, as I have been incredibly busy.
So far, I absolutely LOVE living here,
moving was the best choice I could have made at this time in my life.
I finally feel like I am where I belong
and no longer have that feeling of being stuck like I did in Rocklin.
We finally got everything unpacked and settled in.
The house is all decorated and so fucking adorable.
I love it.
I don't even mind hand washing all of the dishes :-)
Last week I went to Las Vegas with my family and my Grandpa
the trip I had been promised since the last time we were in Vegas,
when I was 16 and I was there for a dance competition.
Even though I wasn't there with a big group of friends, I still had a good time.
My parents are FAR from squares and we're part Irish,
so obviously the drinking comes naturally.
At least it didn't cost me anything
I got all the alcohol I could drink for free and got to gamble with money I was given.
It ruled.
I could have done with out the blazing heat and the insane amounts of cigarette smoke, but that's Vegas for ya.
It would have been nice to have been able to go to the clubs with my sister, but that'll have to wait another two and a half years.
Luckily Christina and Mike were there and we got to have one night of hanging out and getting hammered. :-)
No celeb sightings yet, haha
but really, I'm not even looking.
at least once a day I see a Bentley or some other ridiculously fucking nice car.
not to mention I live about 2 blocks from a few exotic car dealerships.
I love my house.. did I say that already?
get this,
My landlord is a professional hairstylist.
she worked on the set of some soap opera ( i forgot which one) for like 10 years or something
and now she just does freelance work
she's always on some movie set
it's so rad
and she already told me she'd hook me up when I finish makeup school
Perfect, right?
just about everyone down here is in the industry or trying to be apart of it.
Bar tending school fucking rocks and I KICK ASS at it.
we do daily drills to practice our speed because the final test is making 12 drinks in 7 min or less.
and everyday I'm either the fastest or second fastest in the class.
today, I finished first in 6:30, and then 6:15 the next round.
and that was with me STILL having to look up drinks that I didn't have all the way memorized.
I just need to work more with my flashcards and get the memorization down and then I'll be golden.
For me the speed part is easy
I'm used to moving quickly and working with both hands from dental assisting,
so maybe that helps a little
but it still is awesome to know that I'm going to make an awesome bartender.
it's so much fun and i just feel totally natural behind the bar.
My test is Friday and I'm pretty stressed
but if I don't pass I just have to wait till the week after and take it again.
one of our instructors warned us today that we don't want to get her as our tester because she notices every little detail and she's the hardest grader.
but she said if you pass with her then you know you're the shit.
so what did I do? specifically requested that I test with her.
I don't want to just be good enough.
I want to be fucking great.
My competitive side is getting the best of me and pushing me to work harder.
I want to be great at what I do, whatever it may be.
There's a lot more drive in passion in my life right now
and I couldn't be happier about it.
I've missed feeling that way.
I'm so anxious to start makeup school
I'm terrified but I know I can do it.
When I set my mind to doing something, or wanting something,
I get it.
I almost always have had the ability to get what I want in various categories of things in my life and I don't see that as a bad thing.
It means I know how to work towards getting things and that I have the determination to be able to get what I want as well.
I want this, to be successful, to wake up and know that I'm great at what I do and that I love my job.
I want this more than ANYTHING.
My own happiness and success is all I care about right now.
And I feel perfectly fine with admitting and accepting that.
I'm at a wonderful place in my life
I'm happier than I've been in months.
I finally feel like there is NOTHING holding me back.
I've let go of all the people that were interfering, physically and emotionally.
and that's ok with me.
Over the years I've realized that people get MUCH more attached to me than I do to them.
I don't think it's because I'm holding anything back,
I just have this need for independence rooted at the core of my being
I don't rely on people for anything and enjoy being self sufficient.
Some people are the opposite and if that works for them then more power to them.
I'm not looking for anyone who needs me to complete them or thinks that they're going to complete me.
I'm looking for simply complimentary personalities to mine.
People that help bring out the best in me and vice versa.
I feel like this entry is freakishly long and completely eclectic,
but I haven't had the time to sit and write for a while
so that's how it goes.
Time to study my drinks and read the fantastic book that I can't put down
maybe I'll even finish it tonight so I can begin the sequel tomorrow
haha
I'll be up in Sacramento Friday for a few days to get the rest of my things and see the few people I actually still care about and who still care about me.
It'll be nice to see them and hangout,
but at the same time I haven't missed home at all since I've left.
This is definitely where I belong for now.
until next time-
Make yourself <3
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