Make Yourself

day 3
supposedly the last of the "really bad" days.
I hoping tomorrow is better
yesterday sucked.
my face is huge.
If I could laugh, smile or move my facial muscles at all I would laugh at myself every time I walked by a mirror.
I look ridiculous
my face looks like it belongs on a 300lb woman.
I've been sending pictures to the few people who I thought would enjoy it the most,
it's quite the sight to see.
I'm sure i'll post a few eventually,
I have no shame and nothing to hide.
I really don't give a fuck haha.

I'm breating a little easier today
for a few hours last night I started to really panic.
it was to the point where I was afraid I was going to stop breathing because it was so hard to focus on it.
I was so congested that I could hardly even get deep enough breaths in.
thank god for valium.
it's been saving me for sure
and keeping me from having major anxiety attacks..
plus, it makes me feel amazing haha
and in addition to the codiene I'm taking every 4 hours it's helping me sleep.
I'm still not sleeping for much longer than 4 hrs at a time, but it's better than it was at the hospital.

my whole body is sore
neck
teeth
mouth
hands
knees
back
all my joints and muscles
I'm sure it's partly due to the extreme lack of nutrition I'm getting right now.
I ate more yesterday than I have since thursday, but a couple bowls of 30 calorie soup doesn't really make a difference.
hopefully today i'll be able to eat more..
it's gonna depend on how my breathing is.

we're supposed to head back down to OC tomorrow..
so I can stay with my parents and continue to have someone help take care of me..

gonna attempt to watch a movie and see how far I get before I pass out
haha fun game.

text me
-S.