Make Yourself

I'm eating Spaghettios
the familiar O shaped noodles and distinct flavor
bring me back to my childhood
when my concerns were if my sister was going to end up with more meatballs than me
when my most dramatic fights were over who got the pink bowl
haha
simpler times definitely haha.
(obviously I don't eat the ones with meatballs anymore, but even if i did eat meat, i now realize how naaassttyy that "meatball" shit was haha)

Oh sweet mandibular freedom!
well, kind of haha.
Currently I can open my mouth about half an inch
seriously, that's as wide as i am physically able to open it
after being wired shut until yesterday (11 days)
but I can speak, finally!
my mouth has to get used to functioning in it's new position
so it will be a slow process to get everything moving and working again.
I still cant really eat anything but soup or pasta
because at this point i can't get a fork or spoon even inside of my mouth.
but at least it can be thicker than just broth.
chewing is difficult, it has to be done slowly and carefully
and it will be a while before i'm able to eat real food
and before my mouth is able to open all the way


it's one of the weirdest feelings i've ever experienced,
only being able to open my mouth a little bit
i feel like a little robot
and after seeing my new x-rays, I definitely am a little robot.
there are permanent bone plates and screws from the sides of my nose and down
holding my bones in their new positions.
i forgot to count how many i have, but there are a lot
it's crazy
no, i wont set off any metal detectors haha

i found out the reason i've only been able to breath out of one side of my nose
(also the reason i thought i was going to stop breathing and die in the hospital, because i was so congested and only able to breathe out of one side as it was)
it's because when the breathing tube that was in my nose during surgery was removed by the anesthesiologist
it pushed the cartilage of my septum over to the right too far, deviating it.
so my right nostril is basically pushed closed on the inside
my oral surgeon tried to push it back over yesterday, but he didn't want to hurt me.
so in 3 weeks i have to go back to him so he can put me to sleep while he does it.
if he can't push it back into place he has to re-open the incision under my top lip and do it surgically.
whatever it takes, at this point i don't care.
nothing could be worse than what i've been through so far haha


holy shit it's 4:45am.
Meeps is begging for attention and ready for bed
guess that's my cue to get off the computer
and finish this post. haha

the morning news is on already.
wtf.
hopefully i fall asleep before the sun comes up haha.


-S.